...anyone can google 'intersex' and read for days to learn anything they want to know. So I'll dumb it down for you.
It's a broad term that can incorporate many different conditions. XX usually equals female. XY usually equals male. Now realize that people can be XO, where the 'o' basically means that there is no male or female chromosome. Without that, we all start female, and only the presence of the Y turns little girl fetuses into little boy fetuses. On top of that, you can also have XO WITH xy, or xx, or xxy or xxx or any of those things on their own. Basically, your chromosomes can do whatever the frick they wanna, and for a number of reasons, or none at all. There are also conditions in which a straight up XX or XY either 'virilizes' (turns into a dude) or doesn't, with either outward or inward physical variations.
A large number of babies, children and adults have ongoing medical conditions, , growth problems, need hormone therapy, have thyroid issues, learning difficulties, and more! Hurray!
They estimate that 1.7% of ALL people have an intersex condition! Yep! Some people (maybe you!) never know it at all. Some people are diagnosed at birth. Some people find out when they fail to go through puberty. Some people find out when they are unable to conceive their own children. Some people....well...never know.
Maybe that's why if I didn't wax myself, I could PROBABLY grow a full on moustache in a week.
Alright...that's all I've got for now!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
To share or not to share....
Whenever I've thought about doing a blog like this in the past, I have two opinions arguing with themselves in my head.
The first is that I do not have the right to share this information. That even though she is my daughter, that I should have to be very secretive until she's at an age where it can all be explained to her, and then she can decide who knows and who doesn't. And that it is no one's business. This would come with a lot of dilemmas.
For instance, it would mean no babysitters. And while I certainly wouldn't put her in a more public daycare setting, that wasn't a very viable option. I need the sanity, reprieve, and...well...the ability to make money. She also needs the reprieve...sometimes by the end of the day together, even though she's still so young, we're fighting like teenage siblings! Plus, she's a very friendly kid, and that socialization is key. So...that required at least two people be told.
This would also mean that when we have company, that we'd have to be very discrete when it came to diaper changes, baths, swimming in her baby pool, etc.
I hope that she doesn't someday resent me for having made this decision on her behalf (well...yes, mine, too!)
Because my other argument is, and what has been proven in many cases, is that by keeping everything a secret will make her feel like she has something to be ashamed of. She doesn't. And shouldn't. And HOPEFULLY won't. If she wants to run around naked, in or outside....I am not gonna stop her!
A lot of our friends I've shared this link with already knew what's going on, like I said. But there are the ones that don't. I've gotten some pretty positive emails from some of you that definitely make me feel like this was the right thing to do, even though my heart raced nervously when I sent it knowing it would be new information to some. Thanks to each of you!
I don't want all this to be the focus of her life, certainly. But I'm pretty big on honesty, so it's even more important that it's not our (deep, dark, dirty) secret.
I also hope that at some point, this can show up in a search and be helpful to someone else, because I had to SCOUR the internet to find ONE family in our exact situation, with the same diagnosis.
Hell....maybe Oprah will find it and give us a free car or trip to Australia!
More important than whether I've made the right decisions so far, though, I hope she loves herself as much as everyone else does.
The first is that I do not have the right to share this information. That even though she is my daughter, that I should have to be very secretive until she's at an age where it can all be explained to her, and then she can decide who knows and who doesn't. And that it is no one's business. This would come with a lot of dilemmas.
For instance, it would mean no babysitters. And while I certainly wouldn't put her in a more public daycare setting, that wasn't a very viable option. I need the sanity, reprieve, and...well...the ability to make money. She also needs the reprieve...sometimes by the end of the day together, even though she's still so young, we're fighting like teenage siblings! Plus, she's a very friendly kid, and that socialization is key. So...that required at least two people be told.
This would also mean that when we have company, that we'd have to be very discrete when it came to diaper changes, baths, swimming in her baby pool, etc.
I hope that she doesn't someday resent me for having made this decision on her behalf (well...yes, mine, too!)
Because my other argument is, and what has been proven in many cases, is that by keeping everything a secret will make her feel like she has something to be ashamed of. She doesn't. And shouldn't. And HOPEFULLY won't. If she wants to run around naked, in or outside....I am not gonna stop her!
A lot of our friends I've shared this link with already knew what's going on, like I said. But there are the ones that don't. I've gotten some pretty positive emails from some of you that definitely make me feel like this was the right thing to do, even though my heart raced nervously when I sent it knowing it would be new information to some. Thanks to each of you!
I don't want all this to be the focus of her life, certainly. But I'm pretty big on honesty, so it's even more important that it's not our (deep, dark, dirty) secret.
I also hope that at some point, this can show up in a search and be helpful to someone else, because I had to SCOUR the internet to find ONE family in our exact situation, with the same diagnosis.
Hell....maybe Oprah will find it and give us a free car or trip to Australia!
More important than whether I've made the right decisions so far, though, I hope she loves herself as much as everyone else does.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
My little lady...
I am the mom of an intersex child.
And probably one in every thousand moms you see are as well.
My daughter's condition had her taken from me at birth, and put through four days of testing before they could even tell me whether I'd had a boy or girl.
And you know what they told me? That she was in fact, neither. Or both. That I, along with her father, would have to 'assign' her gender.
I will go into more details on all the medical facts as I hopefully get this blog rolling.
My reason for starting this is to hopefully create some debate, and to share this information non-anonymously with people that I am certain will love and accept her regardless, and anonymously with....well...the rest of the world.
We have a great deal of friends and family who are perfectly aware of everything about our lives, but it makes me sad that this 'condition' is attached with such stigma (whether religious, or fear based....or...something else?)
If my child was born with down syndrome, or diabetes, or any other lifelong condition, I would be able to share very openly all my thoughts and fears and hopes...but instead, she has gone through so much! And instead, I have to very cautiously share information either vaguely, with a select few, or not at all.
Not fair! When I had to have her go 'under the knife' at 6 weeks, to remove her 'ovaries', only a handful of people knew. When she had to have her heart repeatedly tested for abnormalities, again....I could only share my fear with my closest friends and family. (Thank goodness, her heart is perfect!) Knowing that she will need to endure painful surgeries at puberty, because regardless of whether we chose 'correctly', she will need these? That most likely she will be forced to take growth hormone shots daily within the next few years, and hormones for her entire adult life? And that at a certain point SHE will be put in the horrible position of knowing who she can trust with all of this?
Whenever I hear people debate over anything relating to gay rights, marriage, etc, I'm glad that the road is being paved to make her life easier, but I just want to scream at people who feel that being gay is somehow a choice, or that "God" would not accept people who are. I am not religious. And I know that not everyone who is thinks that being gay is wrong. But to those who do.....what about MY child? What if she decides that she likes women? Or what if she decides that she was meant to be a boy and decides she likes men?
She has both male and female chromosomes....so does "God" grant her a free pass to be gay? Or is she just an abomination to you, and her fate determined at the point of conception? I have to say, if it weren't for religion, I think her life would have a much better chance of going on unhindered.
Alright....time to get dressed and hang out with the coolest little person I know!
And probably one in every thousand moms you see are as well.
My daughter's condition had her taken from me at birth, and put through four days of testing before they could even tell me whether I'd had a boy or girl.
And you know what they told me? That she was in fact, neither. Or both. That I, along with her father, would have to 'assign' her gender.
I will go into more details on all the medical facts as I hopefully get this blog rolling.
My reason for starting this is to hopefully create some debate, and to share this information non-anonymously with people that I am certain will love and accept her regardless, and anonymously with....well...the rest of the world.
We have a great deal of friends and family who are perfectly aware of everything about our lives, but it makes me sad that this 'condition' is attached with such stigma (whether religious, or fear based....or...something else?)
If my child was born with down syndrome, or diabetes, or any other lifelong condition, I would be able to share very openly all my thoughts and fears and hopes...but instead, she has gone through so much! And instead, I have to very cautiously share information either vaguely, with a select few, or not at all.
Not fair! When I had to have her go 'under the knife' at 6 weeks, to remove her 'ovaries', only a handful of people knew. When she had to have her heart repeatedly tested for abnormalities, again....I could only share my fear with my closest friends and family. (Thank goodness, her heart is perfect!) Knowing that she will need to endure painful surgeries at puberty, because regardless of whether we chose 'correctly', she will need these? That most likely she will be forced to take growth hormone shots daily within the next few years, and hormones for her entire adult life? And that at a certain point SHE will be put in the horrible position of knowing who she can trust with all of this?
Whenever I hear people debate over anything relating to gay rights, marriage, etc, I'm glad that the road is being paved to make her life easier, but I just want to scream at people who feel that being gay is somehow a choice, or that "God" would not accept people who are. I am not religious. And I know that not everyone who is thinks that being gay is wrong. But to those who do.....what about MY child? What if she decides that she likes women? Or what if she decides that she was meant to be a boy and decides she likes men?
She has both male and female chromosomes....so does "God" grant her a free pass to be gay? Or is she just an abomination to you, and her fate determined at the point of conception? I have to say, if it weren't for religion, I think her life would have a much better chance of going on unhindered.
Alright....time to get dressed and hang out with the coolest little person I know!
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